In the last three weeks, everything has changed. In an effort to continue sharing
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Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving was, well, terrible.
Don't get me wrong, I am SO, SO grateful. I realize we are blessed.
But my period was late. And once again, it was messing with our treatment plan. We had planned to pursue one last round of IUI before moving onto IVF in January. The nurse told me that since it was so late, if I didn't get it by Thanksgiving, we would have to wait until next cycle.
IUI is less invasive. IUI is less expensive.
[Did I mention our insurance doesn't cover infertility treatment? In the state of California, you cannot purchase a private insurance plan that includes fertility coverage. (We are both self-employed, so group plans are not an option.) The astronomical fee we pay every month for health coverage is in addition to every 100% out-of-pocket-payment we have made for infertility testing, procedures, and treatments.]
Back to IUI: It costs 5% of the amount of IVF. So we really wanted to give it a shot before heading into IVF.
Thanksgiving night we talked and we prayed and we decided that it was finally time to pursue IVF. No more trying IUI, we were now going to head straight into IVF in January 2018. This conversation and time of prayer was definitely a defining moment for us.
Black Friday
Every year on Black Friday, my mom, sister, and I go shopping. We don't go early, and we don't wait in any crazy lines. In all honestly, we just use it as an excuse for us girls to shop together all day! 😉
This year, I woke up on Black Friday to find the surprise I should have had the week before. We called the clinic and let them know that it came, but we decided to pursue IVF in January instead.
"If you are able to come in right now and everything looks good, we can start today," said my nurse. We were in shock. We cancelled our plans and headed to Irvine.
To be honest, we weren't too excited. The only time I've ever had a normal ultrasound was after three procedures. Thats how long and how many attempts it took to get rid of all the polyps that should not have been in there in the first place.
It had thwarted multiple IUI rounds, and it was likely to thwart this IVF round too.
To our surprise, my ultrasound was normal. We went back to the waiting room to wait to get our protocol from the doctor.
Did she say shots start tomorrow? I haven't shopped around for meds. Can we even get our meds that fast? We haven't had the "shots" class yet. Is it really possible for us to start right now?
We waited so long to get to the point where we could actually move forward with treatment, we couldn't believe it was finally here! We met with the doctor, a nurse practitioner who taught Trent how to administer shots, and the financial coordinator. After nearly three hours at the clinic, we left with a large file of information, 10+ scheduled future doctor appointments, a medication/protocol calendar, and a whole lot less money in our pockets. But you know what? For the first time in a long time, our hearts were full of hope. (You can call me cheesy, but then you have to bring me wine. 😉 )
Starting Shots
We were able to get the medications overnighted from a special pharmacy. We started shots the very next day. I had 2-3 shots per day for the next ten days. They had to be taken at the same time every night.
Trent insisted we film him giving me the shots for the first time, so I was able to get this still shot (HA, punny) from the video. And yes, the only time I've ever been smiling while getting a shot. Of course Trent was cracking jokes and making me laugh while injecting me with hormones. 😉
Stimming
I've had to explain the IVF process to nearly everyone I have told. I don't mind AT ALL, after all, I'm a teacher. 😉 (And I'm not a doctor, so this is not medical advice. It's just my experience with IVF.) The first "shots" part of IVF is called stimming. They are stimulating your ovaries to produce as many eggs as possible that month instead of just one.
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| Our "IVF counter." The medicine, the tracking, the needles. It's no joke! We also had to keep 2/3 medications in the refrigerator. |
When you're young, this can be dangerous. Overstimming, or stimulating the ovaries too much, can you make you very sick. Because of that, we had almost daily doctors appointments. During these appointments they take your blood to check your hormone levels and they do an ultrasound to measure the size of your follicles (the eggs are inside the follicles). Later that afternoon, after your bloodwork comes back, they call to tell you how much of each injection you need to administer that night.
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[pic] All the dark circles/ovals near the top are big follicles! This scan was in the middle of stimming. It was crazy to see them start SO tiny and grow SO large in a matter of ten days.
Trent insisted on going with me just in case we got bad news at an appointment. We live in Corona. The clinic is in Irvine. He works in DTLA. You do the math. These next two weeks were c-r-a-z-y for him.
They were crazy for me too. I COULD NOT FOCUS. I love, love, love what I do. I'm HAPPY to be working in my home office. But guys, I could not think about anything other than IVF, lol.
Not to mention, after about 5 days, I started to get really uncomfortable. When I found out I had 20+ follicles per side, I realized why. I was gaining weight, my belly was expanding (which is annoying when you're not pregnant!), and I felt like I was carrying little kettle bells at the bottom of my abdomen. I was also super emotional (can't imagine why).
We were so very blessed that we got good news at every single appointment. We would hear things like exactly what we expected and you're right on track. We were so, so grateful. The only thing that didn't go according to plan was that I had too many follicles to try for a fresh transfer. That means no getting pregnant this month. We would freeze the embryos and transfer them at a later time, once my body had fully healed and recovered. We were bummed, but we were okay with that. We were just so happy to be in this process in the first place.
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There was one night when we ran out of medicine! After our Saturday morning appointment, they called and updated us on how many units of injectables I needed to take that night and Sunday. It was more than we planned, and late that night we realized that we wouldn't have enough medicine for Sunday. Since the clinic was closed, I had to call the on-call doctor. The next morning, he was able to call one of the nurses and ask her to go get more medicine from the clinic (which was closed). However, she was on a date with her boyfriend! This particular medicine must be refrigerated at all times, so she transported it in a freezer bag to BJ's where they were having lunch. I met her (for the first time ever) outside of BJ's and she gave me the freezer bag. I jokingly call this my first and only drug deal. 😜 The things you do for IVF!!!
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[pic] One night we joined family at the Mission Inn for dinner & to see the Christmas lights. We ended up doing my shots while standing on the side of the Mission Inn because hey, they have to be done at a certain time. You learn to roll with it (and laugh about it).
Trigger
Once your follicles reach a certain size, they have you take another shot called a "trigger shot." This shot is timed specifically to your egg retrieval. It forces your eggs to mature right before they collect them. We triggered on Day 10, and my egg retrieval was scheduled for two days after that. At this point I was feeling (and looking) miserable.
Egg Retrieval
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| IVF - I haVe Faith |
My egg retrieval was at 6:30am, so we had to be there way too early. Once again, the procedure went extremely well. They were able to retrieve 28 eggs.That night we found out that 25/28 were mature. That is a GREAT number and much higher than we expected.
Recovery
I would say if I was unprepared for any part of IVF (thus far), I would have to say it was egg retrieval recovery. The first day I was still groggy from anesthesia. I slept most of the day and we were able to go to my parents' house that night for Jake's birthday. After all, what's better than your mom's cooking when you don't feel well? Nothing!
BUT I didn't think about the fact that my sister and brother make me laugh WAY TOO MUCH and laughing hurt SO bad.
The next few days though, they were awful. Aside from the physical recovery, you are getting news from your doctor almost every day. This news is BIG NEWS and it has a big impact on your IVF journey! Waiting for those phone calls (which came after 5pm each day) was agonizing. All we could do was pray and thank God for the good news we had gotten thus far.
The 5 Days
Retrieval - We found out we had 28 eggs, 25 were mature. This is amazing news. I couldn't believe it.
Day 1 - We found out 14/25 eggs fertilized. This was surprisingly low and had our doctor concerned. You expect a "drop off" of embryos after this point, but this was almost a 50% drop off right away. Our doctor's nervousness was definitely contagious and we started to
Day 2 - No news; they "don't bother" the cells this day and let them grow.
Day 3 - We found out only 6 of the 14 embryos were growing. I'm not going to lie, we were devastated.
Our doctor reminded us that she told us in the beginning IVF can uncover why you're struggling with infertility. We all felt like that's what was happening here.
They "grade" the embryos: good/fair/poor and A, B, C. She told us that of the 6 growing, 3 were Good BB and the rest were Fair CC. (Do you know how hard it is to hear as a teacher that something you do isn't A quality? Just being real here! Trent kept telling me not to worry because "C's get degrees!" 🙄 )
At this point, they do expect a drop off. We were planning on having 0-3 embryos left at the end of the cycle. I'll be honest, I immediately started thinking: If we don't have any embryos to transfer, how long will it take us to save that amount of money again so we can try for IVF#2?
Our doctor also told us that Day 4 was the "biggest" day for the cells. They have the most dividing/growing to do Day 4 so they wouldn't be "bothering" them and we wouldn't get an update. I translated that into: PRAY THE MOST ON DAY 4. And pray the most we did!
Day 4 - No news; they "don't bother" the cells this day and let them grow. We prayed like crazy. Yeah, I still wasn't able to focus and get any work done. Or sleep. I don't think I slept the night before or the night after.
Day 5 - Our doctor (who by the way, in case I haven't said it, is AMAZING and an angel from heaven) usually calls after 5pm. That means this was the longest day ever. Trent tried to get home before 5pm so that he could be on the call with me, but traffic made him late. He kept calling to make sure she hadn't called yet. 😂 Anxiety makes you crazy!
At 6pm we were cooking dinner when the phone rang. As soon as I answered, she skipped her usual "Hey Lauren, it's Lauren!" and went straight to
I have GREAT news! I can't believe it, but we were able to freeze EIGHT embryos.
😱 I don't think I've ever seen Trent's face more shocked. I couldn't believe her. I honestly thought she had the wrong results in front of her. How is it possible we went from 6 to 8 when we were SUPPOSED to go from 6 to 0, 1, 2, or 3?
The others caught up yesterday. It's a miracle! I guess you really meant it when you said you were going to pray! God must really listen to you. We can't believe it. But wait, there's more.
Remember how we grade them? You have 4 textbook, beautiful, GoodAA embryos. The others are GoodBB. This is amazing, I am so happy for you guys! God heard your prayers.
So on the "hardest" day for the cells, when there should be the biggest drop off, we had the biggest amount of growth. And not only did we have more embryos than expected, but they were beautiful.
Seriously, praise God. We have never been more excited to call our families and update them with the news.
Let's be real here. IVF can rob a lot of your joy. We don't get to "surprise" our families and tell them we are pregnant like so many other couples do. They know about IVF and they know our timelines.
But you know what? So many couples don't get to call their eagerly waiting parents and tell them God heard our prayers, and we have more than twice as many embryos as we expected. Is that the kind of news that I've always "planned" to tell our parents? No, of course not! But was that an amazing call to make? Yes. And you don't get to make the 'God heard our cries, we have 8 embryos!' call without IVF. 😉
Now, it's Day 6. And you know what? It feels like Thanksgiving. We couldn't be more grateful.
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Our 8 beautiful embryos 😍 are safely frozen until we are ready to transfer. Because of my history, it's going to take a few months to prepare my body for a transfer/possible pregnancy. My doctor wants to make it the "best possible scenario" so we can make sure the embryo "sticks." So for now, we wait. And we are okay with that.
We will have a month off, a procedure, and then start hormones again. It's a lot longer than we expected, but it gives us more time to pray. We are NOT out of the infertility woods. But we have made a lot of progress. And we have learned A LOT. And we are excited and we are hopeful for the future!
Why are you telling everybody your business?
Let's be real here, I don't want everyone knowing where I'm at in my cycle or what some of the lowest moments in my life/marriage have been.
However, we know first hand that infertility can be one of the darkest, loneliness seasons in life.
We were the couple that was silently suffering at holidays, kids' birthday parties, and every Sunday at church. We know the pain.
We don't want ANYONE to feel alone.
We both feel like one of the ways that we can bring glory to God through this circumstance is to share
A couple that happens to be some of our closest/dearest friends went through infertility and IVF a few years before we met them. They live in another state, but they were always open to hearing our heartbreak and fears and were open to answering our many questions. It made such a difference to be able to talk to someone who had "been there" and someone who knew the language, emotions, and struggles that went along with it. My BFF once told me something I will never forget. She said that while she wants to heal from her infertility journey, she never wants to forget what she went through. That struck a deep chord within me, and I feel exactly the same way. If I shut out all the emotions and feelings, I won't be able to properly heal. I also won't be able to be there for other women like she was for me.
If you're struggling, please feel free to reach out to me and/or Trent. We don't have all the answers, we don't have "the best" advice. We aren't doctors or infertility experts. But we do know how to pray. And we've been there, and we are there. And we are here for you!
Oh, and if you think about it, now that you know
Isaiah 63:7
I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord,
the deeds for which he is to be praised,
according to all the Lord has done for us—
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THANK YOU for all the love and support. Every single message, text, comment, has meant the world to us! 😘
Click here for my next blog post: When IVF fails...
